so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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