I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
