I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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