mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
