I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
