My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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