apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
