I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
