Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
