WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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