why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
