walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
