so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
