Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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