Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
