U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
