please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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