if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
