I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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