I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
