I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
