Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
