You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
