TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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