I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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