I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
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