What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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