when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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