Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize