Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
