I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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