he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
