Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
