Non-Jews are for practice
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
