Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
