something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
