my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
