I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
