you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
