I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
