I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize