I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
