Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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