I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think I sprained my soul last night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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