I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
