We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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