i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Found the puke drawer
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
