if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
