I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
