But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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