How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
