Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
