Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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