Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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