That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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