If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
