I feel great
I just peed on a car
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
