Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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