he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
