maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
its not stalking. its research.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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