After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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