i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize