Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
