That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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