I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
