Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
