I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
