girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
