He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
there is glitter all over my balls
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
