i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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