In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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