I wish I could punch you in the face.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
