We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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