my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
