Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
