my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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