I just made out with a guy for $7.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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