she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize