Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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