My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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