I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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